you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize