I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
