He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
