Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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