I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
