feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
