please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
