Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
