She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
