You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
