Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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