she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
