If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
