Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
