So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize