Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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