when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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