toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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