Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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