She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
