Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize