And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize