is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
