sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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