dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
