Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
