Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
