No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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