Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
