haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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