your room smells of hookers.
And success
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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