god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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