Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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