If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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