I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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