I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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