Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
