omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm really busy with my period
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