You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
