It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
