what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
