it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I am available for nakedness
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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