The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
