apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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