you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My liver just broke up with me...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
