He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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