its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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