id be glad to
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
