My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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