Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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