You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
