I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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