Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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