U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
