WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize