I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
