my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
