I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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