i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
