Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
