Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
