dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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