I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
