Christians are straight up FREAKS
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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