Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
