I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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