Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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