he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
