You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
