Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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