I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
