i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize