I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
