Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
this boner is exhausting
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
