You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
