last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
