I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
