we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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