Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
