Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
