I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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