i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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