FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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