You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
