I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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