Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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