Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We have so much sex to catch up on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
