I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
