i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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