You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
