The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I AM VODKA MAN
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize