Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
